Gone Away
by keir
Summary: HaruxKyou / Kyou loves Haru, but will the ox realize it in time? R for swearing, violence, sexual situations, etc.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Gone Away

Author: Keir

Rating: PG-13 for now/swearing, violence, gay lovings

The Gist of Things: Kyou loves Haru, but will the ox realize it in time?

A/N: So I know I should be posting more of "How We Are" or "Million Little Pieces." Swear to the goddess I will! It's just that right now my fiance is gone to arming class for 7 weeks and I'm all lonely and grumpy and rawrrawrrawr, so I need to write a horribly gloomy piece to get around to writing the other ones. XD Also, we all know that a simple PG-13 rating in one of my stories can't last that long. Seriously.

If you've ever read the very beginnings of a short fic of mine called "Cooking Ramen," this fic is that one revisited. I've changed plot points in my head and made it like...super way longer. And with a beginning. Spoilers (kind of) if you look that one up. (I know it's still somewhere on the internets.)

* * *

The only way to tell he was awake was the small sigh of breath exhaled, breaking the rhythm of deep sleep. Kyou woke the same way he always woke: hard and alone. The sun had now reached his face, but he had been awake before it got there. He forced his eyes open to stare at the luminous lime green 6:59 on his clock, arm moving to shut off the alarm before it could go off. It was quiet except for the birds. The air in the room was cool from the night air so he pulled his arm back under the covers and tucked them under his chin. He sighed angrily as he curled his legs up to meet his stomach; there was a tent in his soft pants. The cat bit softly at his lip and reach a hand down to touch the head of his frustration when Yuki began yelling at him through the door. The rat always thought he slept in, but that was never the case, not since _that_ dream had started happening. That wet dream that he could never stop; it was always the same.

He swung his legs over the bed. The cold floor doused the feeling of lust low in his belly.

Standing, only half-hard now, a hand strayed to scratch at the coarse orange hair surrounding his crotch. His slacks, shirt and jacket hung neatly in his closet; Tohru always pressed them. He felt a pang of guilt as he got dressed haphazardly. The cat slid the white tie around his neck, never able to stand the feeling of it knotted around his throat. It drove him crazy.

Downstairs, Tohru was throwing lunch together for everyone, even Shigure who didn't really need it. Yuki was sipping his morning tea. Kyou ignored them and went straight to the fridge, taking the milk and drinking right from the carton. "That's disgusting. At least have some courtesy for the rest of us," Yuki said calmly. Kyou thought his voice was annoyingly feminine.

"Why don't you just mind your own business, rat?" He took another swig just to spite his cousin, crimson eyes clashing with grey.

"Oh, please don't fight. It's such a beautiful day out!" Tohru interrupted, smiling in that way that could disarm them both. The boys shared a look.

Kyou drank again, draining the rest of the carton as he looked away. Tohru was like the sister he never got the chance to have. She was the first person he had hugged since he was little with Shishou, and he didn't even take the step to hug his long-time mentor any more.

He picked up his briefcase, light as always, while Tohru packed her and Yuki's lunches. Yuki still sat sipping his tea as if he had all the time in the world. "Hurry the hell up, rat." He made Kyou so irritated. The Prince always acted like he was the only person on Earth. He grit his teeth at his cousin's audible huffy sigh, watching Yuki adjust his tie. The cat felt it was a cruel joke to have to live with his rival; he wished he was back in the dojo with Shishou.

True to Tohru's word, the day was beautiful and summer was on the way, but it didn't make him feel any more cheerful. Kyou slung his briefcase over his shoulder and stuffed his other hand into his pocket, listening to the girl and Yuki prattle on. It nettled him. He just wanted to be alone somewhere, falling asleep in the sun. He always felt tired after a night with _that_ dream. His feet slowed to a stop and he sighed. Yuki gave his own annoyed sigh in answer. "Kyou, move or we'll be late to class."

It was the last straw. Kyou dropped his briefcase and turned around. "If school is so important to you, then _you_ go. I don't have to do every damn thing you tell me to!" Tohru looked hurt and he winced guiltily, but he pushed it aside. He took off running through the trees; he just wanted to be away from them.

It hurt to see them walking, talking together like nothing was wrong. Everything was wrong. Why was everyone around him so happy?

The wall to the Sohma property loomed up before he expected. His brain panicked while his body took over; he sprang up, hands grabbing the vines on the wall as his feet pushed off the ground. In a blink he was up and over with too much momentum. He was falling, falling. The Cat in him made minor adjustments: head back, arms spread more, legs just so. The impact of the pavement jarred his bones and he was aware of a sharp pain in his ankle.

"Wow, Kyou! That was a great landing!"

The cat's heartbeat skyrocketed, head snapping around too quickly; Momiji's high-pitched voice sent off warning bells in his head. Worse than dealing with Yuki and Tohru and the selfish jealousy he couldn't admit to, Momiji always walked to school with...

Kyou's brain started rattling off gibbering thoughts as he stood, trying to look calm. He glanced up to see his white tie fluttering through the air. He reached up to snag it but a long, pale arm grabbed it before he could catch it. Kyou scowled at the proferred tie, ripping it out of the other's grasp and threading it back around his neck. Tohru would be upset if he lost it.

"You didn't need to make such a dramatic entrance if you wanted to walk with us, Kyou." Momiji's giggle made the cat grind his teeth.

"I don't want anything to do with you, you little brat!" All his hairs stood on end at that irritating, squealing voice.

"Oh, well if you don't want anything to do with me, then you must be here for Haru!"

The little blond couldn't possibly know what he was saying, but the fear welled up inside Kyou and with the fear came the anger. He wanted to lash out, terrified that Momiji knew something even he was too scared to come to terms with.

The anger must have shown on his face because the pipsqueak cringed back, hiding behind their other cousin. "Kyou-kun is so scary! Save me, Haru!"

The corners of the ox's mouth tilted up. "I'm sure Kyou won't do anything to you." Hatsuharu's voice was always so soft, so slow, so rhythmic. Kyou tried not to look into those pale grey eyes, but they pulled him in. That black and white hair was kept a little longer now than it had been a couple years before; it made the cat's heart stop to see it caressing those sharp cheekbones...

"Whatever!" Kyou shouted, trying to break his own trance. He glanced around the ox to see Yuki and Tohru approaching. His heart leaped into his throat with all the confusing emotions jumbled together. A growl rumbled up from his throat. "Just stay away from me!" he shouted louder than he meant to, turning to run toward the school.

Hatsuharu stood still, pondering why every time he saw Kyou his cousin was running somewhere. The ox glanced at the wall the cat had scaled; it really was quite formidable. He looked behind him to find Yuki and Tohru just catching up to them with the rat looking quite irritated. "Ah, so it's you."

Yuki paused, blinked. "What?"

Hatsuharu ignored him, thinking to himself. Kyou must have been running from Yuki since they both seemed to be rather annoyed. Shigure had told Hatori that the two family rivals couldn't even be in the same room any more if Tohru wasn't there, or they'd break down into a physical fight. He was brought out of his introspective thoughts by Momiji exclaiming, "You just missed Kyou. He tried to beat me up, it was so scary! But Haru saved me!"

The ox put a hand on the rabbit's head. "Yes, Kyou seemed upset."

"Who cares about the stupid cat? He left his schoolwork and just ran off," Yuki huffed.

"I hope Kyou-kun is okay," Tohru fretted.

"I'm sure he'll be fine, Honda-san," the ox replied.

"Really?"

"Yes. Kyou always rebounds quickly from things that upset him so that he can be upset about something else." Hatsuharu said sedately, glancing at his watch. "We'd better go or we'll be late." Momiji bounced ahead, managing to keep up a constant stream of chatter with Tohru all the way to school while Hatsuharu rode the waves of Yuki's peeved silence calmly.

The rat sighed after passing the school gates. "Idiot cat," he muttered. Hatsuharu followed his gaze to the roof where Kyou stood leaning against the railing. The ox thought the cat looked almost angelic with the morning sun shining down brightly on him, his mop of orange hair reflecting the light. Somewhere the bells chimed the signal for five minutes until the beginning of class and Kyou disappeared from view.

Hatsuharu took his time crossing the lawn and heading inside. He set his bag down but found someone had stolen his indoor shoes again. For some reason it was a popular prank to play on him, but he didn't much care. The ox shrugged to himself and trailed Momiji to class in his socks.

Meanwhile, Yuki walked into the classroom he shared with Kyou and Uotani after escorting Tohru to her own with Hanajima. He found the orange-haired boy already in his window seat. He sat down at his own desk next to the cat's; his cousin turned his face aside. The rat sighed and tossed the other's briefcase on the floor. "I brought your bag." He waited a moment. "Are you even going to say 'thank you'?"

"Cat got your tongue, Carrothead?" Uotani laughed from behind Kyou; he ignored her.

The cat stared out the window without seeing until the noise in the classroom picked up. "Kyou, are you going to turn in your assignment?" All he could think about was how the sound of Yuki's voice grated on his nerves. "Did you even do the homework?"

The cat whipped his head around and glared over at the rat. "No. What are you, my mother?" he growled.

"You won't graduate if you don't do the work. Kyou, are you listening?"

The cat hissed out a breath and leaned over in his seat with a snarl. "Look, you fucking rat, what I do is my business. You don't even understand anything about me."

"Kyonkyon is in a bad mood today, ne?" Uotani jarred his seat with her feet.

Yuki sighed, sending a reproving look at the blond girl. "What are you talking about, you idiot. Of course it matters."

"You don't get it. How could you, the fucking Prince?" Uotani continued to shake his seat. Kyou slammed out of his chair and shoved his desk over, letting his hatred for Yuki take over. "You don't have a clue, you asshole! Leave me alone!"

"Mr. Sohma! Sit down!"

Kyou snarled, ignoring the teacher and escaping the classroom at a run.

Down the hall, Hatsuharu and Momiji's class was stirring while their teacher was out. "Hey, Sohma, your cousin just sprinted down the hallway."

"Which one?" the ox asked placidly from his seat. Sometimes it became confusing with so many relations in the same school.

"The angry one, Kyou."

"Like you'd ever see the Prince running down the hallway!" another boy laughed.

"Ohh, Kyou-kun must have done something baaaaad," Momiji caroled, wrapping his arms around his cousin's neck from behind.

"Ah." Hatsuharu stood, slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder.

"Where are you going, Haru?"

"To check on Kyou."

"You're going to get in trouble!" the rabbit said, nose fairly twitching with all the excitement.

Hatsuharu shrugged and walked out of the classroom, stopping to slip on his outdoor shoes. It was a beautiful sunny day and the ox hummed to himself as he walked. He had no idea where Kyou might be hiding but he figured he would start at Shigure's house; Kyou didn't seem to leave there often.

He wasn't worried about losing his way; Tohru had actually come up with the plan to leave certain colored rocks on the path to and from the school, Shigure's house, and the main Sohma complex to keep the ox on track. The thought of Tohru put a smile on his face. The path to the house was bright and clear, and Hatsuharu followed the yellow colored stones toward the dog's house. When he got there, he gave a cursory look around the house, but it seemed like no one was home. Up the stairs he found Kyou's labeled room—another invention of Tohru's—and peered inside. The cat's room was cleaner than he'd thought it would be; he couldn't remember the last time he'd really seen it since Kyou always kept his door shut. His black bedding was scrunched up and unmade, but otherwise there wasn't much. There was his gi hung on the wall, a couple of textbooks on a shelf over a small desk. The closet didn't hold many clothes, but they were all hung up and sorted by shirts and pants. Nothing decorated the walls or floor.

The ox shut the door and went back downstairs, deciding to look out back. He wandered past Yuki's growing garden to the hidden pond. When they were little it had been forbidden to go back there for fear that they would fall in and drown with no one to watch them.

All except Kyou; the family really hadn't cared what had happened to him when his mother passed on.

The pond was where he found Kyou; the cat was skipping rocks across the quiet water. Hatsuharu set his bag down and wandered closer. "So what happened?"

The cat nearly jumped out of his skin, but upon seeing who had caught him unaware he choked on his scathing remark and stayed quiet. He pressed his back tight up against a tree and slid down, putting his hands on his knees. "What are you doing here?"

"You left school quickly. I wanted to make sure you were all right." Kyou looked away, jerkily throwing another stone into the pond. It skipped once, lop-sided from the throw while he was sitting, then sank.

"I just don't want to be there," the orange-haired boy growled.

The ox wandered closer. "So why have you been fighting with Yuki more lately?"

"He's so fucking smug!" Kyou snarled abruptly, eyes blazing. "Everything about him pisses me off. He can't even confess to Tohru!"

The ox sat down next to the cat. "Why haven't _you_ confessed to Tohru?"

Kyou scowled. "I don't like Tohru that way, you idiot. I like somebody else." As soon as the words passed his lips a look of terror crossed his face, and for the first time since they were little the ox saw true vulnerability in the cat's eyes. He had forgotten how the cat had grown up; at first the orange-haired boy had cried all the time when his mother had committed suicide, but after being struck so many times by hateful Sohma members who feared him the older boy had learned to stay silent and hidden away. He had grown up harsh and angry. Now Kyou looked so soft and, well, cute. Hatsuharu couldn't help his impulse as he leaned forward.

The cat's eyes widened as the ox's lips came down on his. It wasn't even a long kiss, but Haru's lips were firm on his own and it felt so good...

The ox pulled back, no trace of embarrassment or any other emotion crossing his face. "Sorry."

"W-why did you kiss me?" the cat asked around the lump in his throat.

"You just looked sad." In truth, Hatsuharu had never even remotely thought about kissing his older cousin—well, this particular older cousin. Romantic or sexual thoughts had never crossed his mind about the orange-haired boy; all he had ever thought of him as was a rival and a cousin. The ox sat calmly, staring into the other's eyes. "Kyou, I know you like Yuki and I—"

"What!" The cat felt slapped. Here he was, disheveled and with the hurt welling up inside his chest, hoping that Haru had feelings for him. How could he be so stupid? A stabbing physical pain went through his heart. The ox had kissed him out of pity and now he thought he liked _Yuki_? Kyou did the only thing he knew how to do and cried out, swinging his fist into the ox's stomach. Hatsuharu became unbalanced and toppled over into the shallow water of the pond lapping at the shore. The cat shot to his feet, face blazing with anger. "You _asshole_. Don't ever fucking talk to me about the rat again. Don't even _mention_ his name! Just stay the hell away from me!"

Then he was running.

Hatsuharu sat stunned in the chilly water, wondering at the harsh reaction Kyou had lashed out with. He had no idea what had happened, but he had clearly underestimated the feelings Kyou had for Yuki. He stood up, soaked, intending to find the white pebbles that led to the main house and try to avoid Hatori for the rest of the day.

* * *

Kyou was tired and cold. He hadn't wanted to sleep the night before; the sting of Hatsuharu's unwitting rejection was still a fresh slice across his heart. He had gone to Kazuma's dojo, trying to work out stress, but instead of letting him fight and train, Shishou had made him scrub floors until his shoulders and knees ached.

It had done as the older man intended: Kyou had been drained of energy in the early hours of the morning and got a few hours of fitful sleep. This morning had been a huge temperature drop from the day before and the cat didn't have an actual jacket with him, and the school jacket he wore was too thin. He shivered and scowled as he ran into the others at the school gate.

The rat raised a brow. "Kyou, Shigure wondered where you were last night."

"Yes, we were so worried!" Tohru said, touching his arm.

"Yeah, whatever. Like the rat fucking cared if I was gone." Hatsuharu looked like he was about to say something but Kyou's glare silenced him. "It's not a big deal. I—" They all went quiet and still as a dark car pulled up to the curb in front of the school. A man in a dark suit stepped out, straightening his jacket, and approached them.

"Kyou Sohma." He stepped toward them and there was immediate recognition: this was one of Akito's bodyguards. "Akito-sama requests your presence."

"And if I refuse?"

"Then Akito-sama will demand your presence instead." The man looked cool as he said it, but all the cousins knew what the threat meant.

"Fine." Kyou's fist clenched on his briefcase as he headed for the black car. Students filtering into the schoolyard stopped to stare and whisper.

Yuki grasped his sleeve and whispered, "Kyou, don't go. At least wait until later. We could find a way for Hatori to go with you, tell them you have to go to school and after you'll meet with Akito."

The cat shook him off with a sneer. "I don't need Hatori to deal with stupid Akito." He glanced back at the others, eyes skittering away from Hatsuharu's as he stepped into the car. The bodyguard slid in next to him and shut the door, tapping on the glass in front of them to signal "go" to the driver.

"What does Akito want?"

The bodyguard kept his eyes straight ahead. "Akito's business is her own."

The cat shrugged irritably and sat silently until the car came to a stop and the bodyguard let him out, escorting him into the main house. Kyou swallowed, fingers fidgeting; being here made him nervous. He hadn't been allowed here since he had been little, since Kazuma had adopted him. There weren't really any specific memories, just old emotions: the feelings of terror and loneliness.

Akito sat with a blanket spread over her lap. Kyou noted the second bodyguard in the corner; the first slid the door shut behind him. "Sit, Kyou," Akito said softly.

"I'd rather stand."

"I insist that you sit," Akito said, looking up at the cat with a gleam in her eyes. The orange-haired boy scowled, aware of the other men surrounding him, and sat. "Now bow to me," Akito said lightly. The cat struggled not to snarl and placed his hands on the floor, bowing his forehead almost to the ground. He was about to sit back up when Akito made a small noise. "I didn't say you could stop bowing." Kyou froze in his acquiescent position while the head of the house adjusted her blanket. "Someone has told me something, Kyou. Something that is quite disturbing."

"What would that be, Akito-sama?" Kyou growled. He heard the door slide open and shut, but didn't dare look up.

"You remember our deal, yes?" Akito sipped some tea slowly. "You are allowed to be free until you either defeat Yuki or your high school career has ended."

"Yeah, I know that. So?"

Akito's slight smile faded, leaving her face harsh and cold. "Someone has told me the disgusting Cat has fallen in love."

Kyou's heart leaped up into his throat. "Akito, I—" It happened faster than he could even realize. The pain of the long needle pushing through his shirt and into his flesh was so sudden. He tried to lash out at the man behind him but he fell on his side, suddenly dizzy. "What did you do to me?" he slurred, trying to push himself up. The world spun as he tried to focus; he caught sight of a familiar face. "Hatori...you traitor..." His legs were beginning to feel numb from the drug the dragon had stuck him with.

Akito rose gracefully, blanket falling around her feet. "For the Cat to fall in love...it is an abomination. I will not stand for it." Kyou tried to move his limbs, but they felt so heavy. "I knew that I was being too kind to a beast such as you. You have broken my trust and so I consider our agreement nullified."

"You can't..." Kyou protested as he felt the bodyguards lift his leaden body. One of them ripped his school jacket in the process and the random thought that Tohru would be upset popped into his mind. He felt them lift his arms over his head and tie them and then suddenly no one was holding him up; his wrists felt on fire as his legs couldn't support him. His school shirt clung to him in a terrified sweat.

"And now for your punishment," Akito said with a small smile.

"Akito, I did not agree to this. I administered the drug so Kyou wouldn't be hurt in a struggle, not so that you could hurt him," Hatori said from the doorway, his face carefully neutral.

"Do not question the will of the head of the house!" Akito shouted, falling into a fit of coughing. Once she caught her breath, she folded her legs to sit once more, nodding to one of the guards.

"Where is Kureno?" Hatori asked, his voice becoming strained.

Akito kept her eyes on Kyou. "Kureno is not here. I wouldn't want to ruin his delicate sensibilities." She watched as the guard unwound a whip and nodded again. "Begin."

The first lash was like searing fire down his back; Kyou cried out, his mind spouting gibberish. Around the fifth lash he tried to gather himself, vowed not to make any more sound. Akito would like it if he whimpered and begged like some coward.

At the end he hung his head, breathing hard. His wrists had gone numb and his back was raw; it hadn't felt like only fifteen blows, it had felt like a hundred. His white tie was laying on the ground, spotted with blood. "Enough," Akito sneered, turning back to her tea. "Get rid of him, get him out of my sight. Lock him away like the creature he is."

The bodyguards grabbed him, cutting him down. He went limp. "What about the beads, Akito-sama?"

The head of the house spared a glance for the beads encircling Kyou's wrist. "Let him keep them if he thinks they make him human." She stared into Hatori's eyes. "You may tend his wounds if you wish." Then she dismissed them all, looking away as if they had disappeared.

Kyou groaned as they dragged him through the hall and outside. Everything was hazy with pain, even through the drugs. He was terrified to know just how much it would hurt without the dosage in his system. He lolled his head to the side and a new jolt of panic went through him.

The Cat's house.

They were going to lock him away.

He struggled to flee now, elbows and legs flying as they dragged him. "No! No, we had a deal! We had a deal, Akito! AKITO!"

But Akito was not listening.

* * *

--SPOILERS FOR MANGA--

Another Author's Note, oh yes.

I have seriously never liked that Akito magickally became a woman in the manga. Ahmahgawd, you have no idea how much I _hate _that.

I can forever love Akito as a man; I always wanted to write some crazy AkitoxKyou fic. This ruined it forever for me. D: Woman Akito, pfft. Hates it we does.

Anyway, there's some OOC, but I don't care because I'm just writing to get some frustrations out and be all angsty-like. :3 Oh Kyou, I love you! Make love to Haru, you silly creature!


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Gone Away

Author: Keir

Rating: PG-13 (for now), swearing, violence, gay lovings

The Gist of Things: Kyou loves Haru, but will the ox realize it in time?

A/N: Hmm, it's a little more choppy than I like it, but if I stare at it any longer I'll go crazy. XD Also el oh el salaryman Haru, hehe.

/ around text means flashback

* * *

The yard was quiet as Hatori crossed it, heading toward a far corner set back closer to the woods. The keys in his hand jangled. The house was quiet today, a rarity. Normally there would be muffled shouting, banging, any sort of noise to break up the silence. It was so quiet it was eerie; even the birds seemed to have noticed because their songs didn't fill the air. Hatori reached up to turn the keys in the various locks to the reinforced door, a ritual he had grown used to.

The Cat's room.

It was nothing but a one-room house with a bathroom set back on the outskirts of the Sohma complex; out there he couldn't disturb the family. No windows, no light fixtures. Nothing on the walls, nothing on the floor. Bare and harsh and cruel.

That was where he found Kyou. The cat was curled up in the blankets on the floor, huddled there, his breathing slow. The dragon rarely saw him in anything but a fitful state; sometimes tranquilizers had been necessary. Not for the first time he noted with a clinical eye the scratch marks all over the walls. "It's time to go."

Kyou stirred, blinking hazily. "W-what?"

"Come." Hatori held the door open.

The bedraggled orange-haired boy stood and walked slowly to the threshold of the dark room, glancing around nervously. The dragon grabbed his arm and propelled him outside. Kyou stood still, trying to shield his watering eyes from the light. When he adjusted enough, he blinked at Hatori's blank face. It was almost the only thing on the outside he recognized, that face. His eyes hurt so much. Did the air outside always feel this fresh? Could he ever hear the sounds of the forest quite so loudly in the past? He couldn't remember. Everything he ever knew seemed to be a shadow, a small blur left undefined in time.

The dragon silently began to lead him across the Sohma complex to the main gate, as if sensing his younger cousin could no longer even remember the way. Kyou refused to follow at first, staring at Hatori's back. "None of them are out there, are they?" he whispered.

"No," the man answered simply; the cat nodded and followed. "You realize that you are not allowed to stay here at the compound?" Kyou didn't know what to say, so he remained silent. The light outside was so bright; he didn't remember sunshine ever hurting his eyes so much. He was glad that the man had told him the truth, glad that none of the Juunishi were there to stare at him. To pity him. To accuse him. Hatori stopped before the gate, turning to his younger cousin. "You are not to contact any of the Sohmas. You are not to come near here again, understood?"

Kyou stared at nothing with starved eyes and walked past the dragon without even a nod, out through the gate. The door closed behind him solidly; he walked down the path to the public street on weak legs. Once there, he stared at the road beyond. He realized, not for the first time, that he had nowhere to go. With the homes of the Sohmas closed to him, and even the cold darkness of the room he had been locked in for three years taken away, there was no place to travel to. He stood staring at the road blankly for a while, figuring he didn't have much else to do. It was almost too much to keep standing.

He jolted as a leather-gloved hand laid itself on his shoulder. He stared at the young man, seeming to recall much softer curves to the face, a little more naivety in those eyes. He liked it better when that white hair caressed cheekbones; it seemed too short. "Haru?" His voice cracked, vocal cords ill-used.

"Come on, Kyou."

The cat's heart lurched, his eyes going unfocused. The leaves of the trees swayed in the breeze; he turned away, trying to walk down the street. Away from that place, away from the past. "I can't be here, I can't see you. They can't see you with me."

"Then come get something to eat with me. Just...just something, Kyou. You can barely walk."

The ox tried to grab his elbow, but he sidled away, wobbling and falling to the ground. The wall around the Sohma property loomed above him, mocking him. The cat looked back to the road, trying to fathom what to do. "I don't have money."

"I'll take care of everything." The ox grabbed him by the arms and lifted him up, brooking no argument. It hurt him to see Kyou like this, more than he'd ever thought possible.

Three years ago Yuki had walked home with him to the main house, leaving Tohru at the safety of Shigure's place with Momiji for company. They had walked up to find Hatori and Shigure standing there, waiting for them under the blossoming cherry trees.

* * *

/"Shigure, where's Kyou?" Yuki had demanded, dropping his briefcase. "They came and took him while we were at school. I told him not to go until we could get Hatori to go with him, but he's a stubborn idiot."

The dog shared a glance with the dragon before looking into Yuki's eyes. "The Cat is gone."

"What?" The rat's eyes widened. "What happened to Kyou?" Hatsuharu felt himself still.

Hatori threw his cigarette on the ground and stomped it out. "Leave it alone, Yuki. The Cat is gone."

"Stop calling him that! His name is Kyou! What did Akito do to him?" Hatsuharu blinked in surprise at his grey-haired cousin's outburst; he'd never heard Yuki say anything remotely this vehement in Kyou's defense.

"I think you know." Hatori's gaze never wavered.

"You bastards! You _let_ this happen!" Yuki shouted.

Shigure began to look uncomfortable. "There's nothing anyone could have done, Yuki. The Cat is the Cat; there's no help for it." The dragon shot him a glare and he shrugged slightly.

The ox stood, saying nothing.

Hatori reached into a pocket and produced a crumpled piece of paper, handing it to the youngest cousin. "You are to tell Tohru that Kyou left a note and ran away. If you don't comply, you know what will happen." He shot Yuki one more stern look, then he walked away./

* * *

A world without Kyou. No fighting and harassment, Shigure's house staying in one piece. A joyful graduation ceremony without the cat, who would never receive his high school diploma. The worst part was admitting that after the first few months, everyone's life went on like normal. Only Tohru would mention happily how she hoped Kyou was doing well wherever he was, say worriedly she wished he would send a post card to let them know he was okay.

And they had all kept silent.

Now he had to come to terms with the fact that he was holding the sickly cat in his arms, helping him into his car. Not only that but he could feel all of his ribs, see the boys wrist bones jutting out from stretched skin. The biggest shock had been his hair, shoulder length and faded to a dull orange. One edge of Kyou's black t-shirt hung off his shoulder; he was too small for it now.

Once Hatsuharu got the cat in the car, he weighed his options. He thought about contacting Ayame, getting Kyou some new clothes and a haircut, but he thought about what the cat said before. He couldn't let the others see Kyou, at least not yet (and especially not Tohru). Besides, Aya had a big mouth and he didn't want him getting word through the familial grapevine. He started the car with a sigh and drove toward his apartment complex, praying none of his neighbors would see him dragging what looked like a vagrant into his home.

Kyou was in his own world, his mind chasing thoughts around and around. At first he couldn't focus, didn't know where he was, then it hit him: the smell of Haru. It was everywhere. He finally took notice of where he was. Beige walls and beige carpet, sleek black furniture, all stamped with the signature smell of Hatsuharu. The cat staggered to his feet, worrying the ox as the younger boy watched him wobble. Kyou stumbled around the room, staring at all the pictures of family on walls and shelves.

And not one picture of him.

His hands held him up against the wall as he looked at them all, his eyes falling to rest on a picture of Tohru with a large belly, smiling at Yuki.

"Tohru and Yuki...after you were..." Hatsuharu said uncomfortably behind him.

"I know. Hatori told me," Kyou said roughly, staggering along the wall, fingers trying to dig in for purchase.

The ox blinked. "Hatori talked to you? I thought that none of us were allowed to see you. He never said anything about it..."

Kyou ignored him, stroking the silver frame to a picture of Kisa as a teenager. "She grew up beautiful," he rasped, finally passing it by. Hiro and his belligerent eyes, having grown into a scrawny teen like Yuki had been. Kagura standing with arms spread and a grin on her face in front of a florist shop. Pictures of Christmas and New Years' and cherry blossom festivals. Ayame, Shigure and Hatori sharing a drink of sake. Momiji and Hatsuharu at their high school graduation.

His eyes finally came to rest on a mirror and he blinked at himself. "May I please have some scissors?" he whispered, sliding down the wall, leaning against it.

Hatsuharu walked into his small kitchen and came back out with a pair of scissors but held them away from Kyou. "Here, let me do it." The cat closed his eyes and didn't protest, breath fluttery and weak as the ox began to snip. Hatsuharu wished Ayame was here to do it; the snake at least knew the basics about giving a haircut, but anything was better than how Kyou looked now.

The orange hair began to fall in a growing pile, collecting around the boy it fell from like apples from a tree. Eventually Hatsuharu found himself as satisfied as he was going to get about it and stood to put away the scissors and clean the mess. When he had settled everything he stood over the cat, studying him. "I don't remember ever seeing you this pale," he remarked, noting that the almost perpetual tan he remembered Kyou having had been leeched from his skin.

"I haven't gotten out much," the orange-haired boy replied, glancing up and then away. Haru seemed much bigger than he had been before, or maybe it was because the cat was so lean now. He didn't know. He was so tired.

Hatsuharu knelt down. "Kyou, when Yuki went away with Tohru I—"

"I told you not to talk to me about him ever again, didn't I?" The ox blinked, taken aback that the cat would remember saying something like that to him years ago. Kyou rasped out, "Don't look at me like that. I haven't had a life for three years; all I had were memories to live over and over and over... Over and over again until I can't remember if the memories I have are real or not. I can't remember if I even had a life, or if I'm making all this up." Warm tears fell softly over his cheeks.

"Kyou, you're not well." Hatsuharu felt a pang of sadness at the blank look in the cat's eyes. "Just stay here for the night."

"I can't."

"Why not?" The cat shrugged, still staring off. "Just...just for tonight, Kyou. You don't have to live with me, but just stay for the night."

The cat gazed at the perfect curve of his cousin's cheek, unable to look him in the eyes. "Okay."

"You can have my room." He made a move to help the older boy but was growled away. Kyou rose painfully and without grace to follow Hatsuharu into his tidy bedroom. "I'll make us something simple, some ramen."

The ox turned to head into the kitchen when Kyou said, "Haru, answer me something."

"Yes, Kyou?"

"When you decided to bring me here, was it because you cared, or because I'm just your cousin?" The ox remained silent, his face blank behind the mask he had used so many times. "Aa, that's what I thought." He closed the bedroom door.

* * *

It had been three days. Kyou was still at Hatsuharu's apartment and neither of them spoke about the arrangement.

The first day the ox had awkwardly tried to start conversation; the cat had sat silently staring. He couldn't get his older cousin to do anything. He was worried, but not worried enough yet to call in any of the others. It frustrated him beyond belief to see the once-irate cat sitting in mind-numbing silence. But the ox also felt that he couldn't leave Kyou alone just yet.

The second day he had no choice; the younger cousin had had to go to work, and Kyou had idled by the small kitchen window all day, staring at the outside world. When Hatsuharu came home he felt exasperated that his cousin could have sat there for so long. He couldn't wrap his mind around losing the quarrelsome teen Kyou had been.

And that was the scariest thought of all: what if Kyou never recovered? What if he just remained this shell without a mind?

On the third, Hatsuharu made a small, pleading outburst to his older cousin, begging him to show some emotion, to do something. The cat had simply stared at the wall from where he laid on the couch, and Haru had eventually left him alone. Over the days, the ox had been preparing all the meals, cleaning all the dishes, doing all the laundry. Kyou wore some of his clothes; the younger boy sometimes had to motivate his cousin to even change his attire. The cuffs of the shirts and pants seemed to swallow Kyou's wrists and ankles whole.

Hatsuharu had given up his bed completely to Kyou, sleeping on the couch in his apartment's small living room, reassuring the orange-haired boy that he would soon buy a new futon and it was no trouble at all. But every morning his borrowed bed was as pristine as the day before; Hatsuharu knew Kyou wasn't making the bed. The cat had been sleeping on the floor, but the ox made no objections and continued to sleep on the couch.

So far he hadn't been able to coach Kyou to take a shower or bath. The cat would simply splash water on himself at the sink; Haru didn't protest. Today was the fourth day. The cat sat on the bed, listening to the quiet; Hatsuharu had gone to work hours ago. He stared at the guitar resting in the corner, remembered that the ox had told him he'd learned to play.

It occurred to him that Hatori was not there. Akito was not there. There were locks on the door, but they were made to keep people out, not in.

He decided to do something.

There weren't that many dirty clothes, so he improvised. He took all the towels from the cupboards in the bathroom, the sheets from the bed, everything in the closet. He carefully sifted through each article, making mounds of white and colour. Unable to remember what to do with red things, he made a tentative, small pile of everything crimson, maroon or scarlet. He methodically put clothes in and took them out, folding everything precisely before staring at the dryer door and waiting for the next dry batch.

* * *

Hatsuharu came home weary. All his worrying over Kyou was taxing his strength; he needed a good meal. His black shoes came off to rest beside Kyou's battered sneakers.

He wandered into the kitchen, hands running through his black and white hair. He stopped for a moment before his socked feet shuffled around stacks of properly-folded material. The ox stared at the

slumbering form of Kyou, scrunched up on his side on top of the dryer, with his hands curled up next to his chest. His orange hair was slightly full of static, and it splayed out starkly across the white machine. Haru stood quietly taking in the scene, feeling his eyes well with tears. Maybe Kyou would be all right after all.

* * *

Kyou lay on the floor in his cousin's bedroom shivering. He had curled up in a ball in the dark.

He was having _that_ dream again. Warm hands running up his sides followed by a hot tongue, so much heat on him, surrounding him. His thighs spread, hips caressed. The pain of wanting, waiting. One name hanging on his lips.

Then everything changed and he was roughly grabbed, his wrists tied so tightly together that the binding cut through flesh. Trickles of blood ran down his arms as he tried to find the voice to scream. They ripped the shirt from him and it was so cold, so cold, and then the lash came down over and over and over... He hung limply, crying as they ripped the flesh from his body with the whip, the tips of his fingers going dark as circulation was cut off. "Abomination!" Akito's voice screamed at him and the beads were cut from his wrist. He changed, he was no longer human. He looked over at his dream lover to see disgust and contempt marring his pale face. "No! No!" He screamed as the lash came down again, his blood spraying the room. "Please! I'm human! No!"

He woke with a start, terrified and weeping. His hand strayed to his wrist, reassuring himself that his bracelet was still there. He lurched to his feet, his shirt clinging to him with sweat. The cat stumbled out of the bedroom, trying to be careful and not wake the ox. He crossed the living room into the bathroom and shut the door.

He frantically looked at his back in the mirror, swearing that his wounds had been opened afresh, but no blood stained his shirt. He shivered, clinging to the edge of the counter, closing his eyes only to find dream Hatsuharu's grey ones staring at him with hate and disgust. Kyou leaned over the sink and his stomach heaved, vomiting what little was left of the dinner he ate. He spit, trying to get the awful acid taste out of his mouth as he turned on the faucet.

The cat opened the medicine cabinet and was surprised at how many products he found. Hair volumizer, gel and split-end treatment. Cologne and aftershave and deodorant. He licked his lips nervously and took the cap off the volumizer, sniffing; it smelled like Haru. He greedily grabbed at the gel and aftershave, smelling each. Every one of them reminded him of the ox.

There was a knock on the door and he yelped, dropping the aftershave. The bottle shattered on the floor. "Kyou? What are you doing?" Hatsuharu asked sleepily through the door, trying to turn the locked doorknob. The cat remained silent, trying to soak up the mess with toilet paper; he made a small sound of distress as he cut himself on a shard of glass.

The ox on the other side of the door heard and began to panic, rattle the door in the frame. "Kyou, let me in! Kyou!" He set his shoulder against the door and shoved, splintering it and breaking the lock. He burst in to find the cat bent over wads of paper drenched in aftershave, cradling his bleeding hand. He knelt and grabbed the first aid kit from the cupboard under the sink, pulling out gauze and putting it over Kyou's wound, applying pressure. The cat avoided looking at him. "What were you doing, Kyou?"

"It was an accident," he whispered, leaning away from the ox.

"You...you weren't trying to...were you?" Hatsuharu asked gently, images of Kyou's wrists bleeding in his head.

The cat yanked his hand away with a hiss of pain, holding it against his body and curling over it. "I'm not my mother," he whispered hoarsely, trying to hunch further away.

The black and white-haired boy immediately regretted his choice of words. "Kyou, I didn't mean it like that. You just scared me. I woke up to take a shower and when you wouldn't answer me..."

Kyou felt the despair well up in him. "Don't you think I would have killed myself if I could by now?" The ox's eyes widened. "But I can't. I can't because then someone else will be born like me. Be born inhuman. What if Tohru's child became the Cat? I could never forgive myself."

Hatsuharu felt a wave of desperation, his heart going out to his cousin. "You're not a monster, Kyou; you're human. You're a better person than you think you are." The cat sobbed once before standing, refusing to look at his cousin.

"Take your shower, Haru," he said softly, walking out of the bathroom.

* * *

Hatsuharu toed off his shoes in his foyer, running his hands through his hair. He shrugged out of his business jacket and undid his tie, tossing them on the floor carelessly. Kyou was shut up in his room again, refusing to come out for the second day after the bathroom incident.

The ox was glad it was Friday: he had time now to try to deal with the cat full-on. He now felt that he had to bring someone else from the family in; he couldn't do this by himself. He was about to head into the kitchen to make something to eat when the doorbell rang. With a sigh he turned back around and answered the door.

Yuki stood before him, a plastic bag with a crockery piece inside it in his hands. The grey-haired boy hefted it. "Tohru wanted me to bring you by something to eat. She said she was worried that you were just eating your 'bachelor food' and wanted me to invite you to dinner tomorrow."

Hatsuharu gave a strained smile, thoughts racing as he hoped Yuki wouldn't want to be let inside the apartment. "Ah, thank you. I'm not sure about Saturday."

The rat raised a brow. "Oh, come on, Haru. You haven't been over in a couple of weeks and Tohru has been bugging me to get you to come over. The baby has been kicking and she wants you to feel it." He smiled.

"Ah, well I..."

* * *

Kyou froze like a deer under a tiger's stare at the sound of another male voice rumbling through the wall. His heart sped up at the thought. Of course Haru would have lovers, he thought to himself. Of course he wouldn't think about you, locked away like some pathetic creature. There was nothing beautiful or good about the Cat.

His heart clenched painfully as he turned the knob on the door without thinking. He had to see who the ox had at his door.

* * *

"Haru, what's wrong with you? You've never been one to stutter. Do you have a date suddenly after all these years?" Yuki teased gently, his sense of humor much more relaxed since he and Tohru had been together.

"I..."

Suddenly the rat looked around the corner, catching movement inside the apartment. Yuki's eyes widened, the glass dishware that held the food crashing to the ground. " Oh my god...Kyou..."


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Gone Away

Author: Keir

Rating: R for swearing, violence, sexual situations **(Please be aware the rating has changed!)**

The Gist of Things: Kyou loves Haru, but will the ox realize it in time?

A/N: I'm sorry that an update for this was almost a year in the making. Life still seems to be busy, busy, busy even though I'm now out of school. I spent copious amounts of time writing and rewriting this chapter, and then endlessly, obsessively editing it. I hope that it suits everyone. This chapter I'd like to dedicate to Prophe-De-Esperenza and all those who stick with me when I'm annoying and don't update nearly often enough.

/ around text means flashback

* * *

"Kyou!" Before the cat could move an inch, the rat had flung arms wide around his thin frame, face buried in his neck. "Oh, Kyou." Yuki's strong hands grasped the other's shoulders as he took a step back. Violet eyes surveyed his cousin critically. "You look ill; we should get you to Hatori. And what happened to your hair? Tohru will be so elated to see you. But never mind that; how did you get here?"

The cat tensed, senses going wild. No one had come into full contact with his body in years; the small hairs on his body felt ready to crawl out of his skin. The rat's warmth breath coursing over his neck made him shudder. He had expected something else, someone else—he didn't know exactly what he thought would happen when he went to find out who the stranger at the front door was.

The orange-haired man shot the ox a desperate look, feeling overwhelmed. "We can't tell anyone that Kyou's here, Yuki. Not even Tohru." The rat frowned, ready to object. He was rarely out of the element of control and it seemed to confuse him. Hatsuharu shrugged at his petulant look. "Kyou insists."

"I'm not supposed to be here," Kyou said roughly. "Hatori let me go. I shouldn't be here."

That only seemed to make Yuki more upset and belligerent. "If Hatori released you, he should have taken care of you," he fretted, then sighed. "I'm glad to see you're all right. We were all so worried that you had…" The rat paused, unwilling to speak whatever idea had been lurking in his mind.

The cat looked over at the ox again. Hatsuharu's eyes were as unreadable as ever, his gentle face placid. Yet there was some unexplained, tumultuous feeling rolling off him in waves, making the cat nervous. Grey eyes seemed to be studying him steadily as if he were an animal whose strange behavior needed to be examined. The look shifted toward the rat, that same clinical stare…

Kyou realized with sudden clarity, as if someone had reached into his chest and squeezed his heart, that Hatsuharu still probably believed that he was in love with Yuki. He turned his eyes away in shame, his hands pushing the rat's away. "Don't worry; Tohru's child won't be the Cat."

Yuki stepped back, looking as if he had been slapped. "That's not—"

The cat snarled faintly; it lacked the force it used to have. "I know what fear looks like. I've been around it since I was little."

Yuki refused to back down. "That's not what I meant, Kyou," he said calmly.

"Maybe not, but I know you've thought about it." The orange-haired man clenched his jaw; he looked haggard, tired. "Tohru might not care, but I know you worried about it."

The rat sighed and scowled. "Tohru is carefree. I prefer to think about all possibilities."

Kyou wanted nothing more at that moment than to be away from that scrutinizing stare from grey eyes. He couldn't even concentrate on the scathing words Yuki had for him. "Haru told me about the lie you told Tohru. I'm going to write her a letter, pretend I'm somewhere else. It will put her mind at ease." The cat turned away, headed for the bedroom. He paused. "And don't worry; there's only room for one monster in this family."

Yuki stood silent for a moment. "What happened to him?"

"The effects of being locked away, I imagine. I'm not sure what happened to him. Not exactly." Hatsuharu went to put his hands in his pockets when he realized he was still holding the bag filled with broken crockery. "I was hoping that seeing you would kickstart him." The ox pondered the hunched and submissive body language Kyou had displayed with Yuki while staring at his ruined meal.

Yuki raised a brow. "What?"

"Since you were rivals. I thought maybe it would snap him out of it, but it appears not…" Hatsuharu shrugged. "Maybe you should call Tohru, let her know you'll be late. I'll tell you everything I know."

* * *

Yuki continued to visit every other day and Kyou remained just as reticent. Every night the cat swore to himself that this would be the day he left, yet he never took one step over the threshold of the front door.

He hated himself even more for being a coward.

The ox had found someone to do a proper job of the cat's haircut, claiming that the orange-haired man was too ill to leave the apartment. The service finally agreed to come to him and it cost a fortune as haircuts went, but Kyou finally looked like he had the day he disappeared.

He still refused to eat much, however, claiming that after only a few spoonfuls of soup or a few mouthfuls of rice that he was going to be sick. Hatsuharu grew worried that instead of filling out, the cat maintained the same unhealthy weight. There was nothing he could do; the cat had no fire left but his stubbornness, and he remained willful to a fault.

Three weeks after Yuki had discovered his presence, Kyou lay awake at night with his eyes on the ceiling. He still could not bring himself to sleep in the bed. Hatsuharu's bed.

His fingers clenched tightly over his belly at that thought. _Hatsuharu's_. He caught the ox's scent everywhere. It haunted him, that distinct smell of aftershave and mousse, breathmints and clean linen. Now he could not fall asleep, refused to; he could feel _that_ dream hovering at the edge of his consciousness. Lately it had morphed into a terrible nightmare, a constant, shifting horror. Each night was different in its own torturous way; his mind seemed determined to conjure up new terrors.

He felt his body respond, though, despite it all. He stared helplessly at the ceiling, fingers tightening in the cloth of his shirt. How pathetic to still dream, to still hope. Hatsuharu always watched his interactions with Yuki now, grey eyes following incessantly, as if he expected Kyou to break down and confess to a love that didn't exist. He wished Yuki would stop coming; the stares from Haru were becoming unbearable.

Kyou felt the shame of his body at the thought of those grey eyes, almost shut his own before remembering what he would see beneath his closed lids. A hand strayed downward as he kept his eyes staring straight up.

He promised himself just this once.

It was over in seconds; he couldn't recall the last time he had touched himself. He felt no relief from it, only an empty, cold pit burning in his stomach. He could smell Hatsuharu's cologne.

Standing shakily, the cat made his way into the living room, eyes regarding the sleeping ox on the couch. The other man stirred restlessly and Kyou fled into the bathroom. Now he could smell Hatsuharu's body wash. His fingers clenched in the material of his clothes as he stripped himself and stepped into the shower. The scent was mocking him, taunting him. He rested his temple against the cool shower tiles.

The doorknob turned. The sleepy ox, unthinking of what he might be walking in on, opened the door and took a few shuffling steps. He blinked owlishly in the light. "Kyou, what are you doing?" He might have been sleepy, but he was well aware of the late hour.

Kyou whirled around, eyes wide and startled, his frantically panicking brain trying to catch up with the moment. "Get out!" he shouted, hands grasping for something to cover his exposed body with.

Hatsuharu stared at the cat's naked backside, his mind lurching into awareness. At least ten long scars ran the length of the orange-haired man's back from shoulder to buttocks. Each one stood out white and puckered like trails of rain down a windowpane.

The cat spun around, desperately searching for a way to hide, and lost his balance. His hands flailed as he fell backward into the tub. His shoulder throbbed as it slammed into the unforgiving tiles, but it wasn't enough to distract him from his terror. The ox started forward and stopped just as suddenly as the cat struggled to move farther away. "Get out," Kyou repeated weakly as he covered himself with his hands.

"What happened?" Hatsuharu asked softly.

Kyou had no illusions as to what the ox was asking about. "Akito." He tried to bring his legs in closer to his chest. "It happened a long time ago."

Hatsuharu watched the cat for any sign of fear and moved quietly to drape a towel over the orange-haired man. Kyou remained still. "I'm sorry," Hatsuharu said softly.

"It doesn't have anything to do with you." The cat grasped the edges of the towel with white knuckles. "I've known what would happen to me all my life."

"Not like that. No Cat has been treated like that before." The silence stretched awkwardly. "Does it hurt?"

"What kind of question is that?" the cat hissed, furious crimson eyes boldly meeting calm grey.

"An honest one." That scrutinizing look scanned the cat.

Crimson eyes finally glanced away. Kyou scowled. "Sometimes they bother me. The skin didn't grow back right; it pulls…" He swallowed. Memories he didn't want to relive tried to claw their way to the surface. "I'd like to take a shower now. Get out."

Hatsuharu nodded and gave the cat on more once-over before taking his leave. He shut the door softly behind himself. The sound of running water soon drifted through the wood. The ox blinked as the sudden mental image of Kyou's naked backside as he stood in the shower flooded his mind. The scars had been a sight that had taken him aback, but the skin below had been flawless and beautiful; the curve of Kyou's buttocks had been perfect. The way the scars marred the flesh only seemed to make it more fascinating in a desirable way.

A pale hand strayed to the front of the ox's sleep pants, fingers brushing the sensitive hardness beneath. Hatsuharu contemplated his physical reaction to the cat. How odd that he would respond in such a way, and to Kyou of all people. The memory of kissing the other man beside the pond rose to the surface. The lips beneath his had been pleasant. It had been…curious. Innocent and sweet. And unresponsive on the other teen's part.

Perhaps it was just the fact that Kyou was the Cat that spurred such interest. A forbidden love type, as Ayame would say. It was definitely not a convenient time to find himself curious over the Cat.

Hatsuharu's hand lingered a little longer than he thought it ought to, and that wasn't so curious. It had been some time since he had really taken a moment to listen to his body. He sighed and moved away from the bathroom door, curling back under the blankets on the sofa. The sound of running water lulled him back to sleep.

* * *

Yuki exhaled an irritable sigh for the third time. The eyes staring a hole in his back were getting tedious to put up with quietly. "What is it now, Kyou?"

"You're not shifting the vegetables fast enough. It's going to burn."

Kyou kept staring in his disquieting way and the rat was far beyond the limit of his patience. "Then you cook," Yuki said, abandoning the pan on the burner. The cat moved to take over without complaint, eyes now focused on the meal.

The rat sighed as he took a seat at the small kitchen table next to Hatsuharu. Kyou never seemed to interact with either him or the ox, just mindlessly doing chores around the house. Even now the cat just stared at the pan as he cooked. The rat looked at his younger cousin; he could see the strain this lifestyle was having on the ox. Worry lines and wrinkled clothing and a contemplative tug at the corner of his mouth.

"He'll be all right," Hatsuharu said, interrupting Yuki's thoughts.

"You still believe that?"

"Kyou always bounces back," the ox asserted and the rat couldn't bring himself to dash the other's hopes. To him the cat was emotionally stunted and the situation of his recovery seemed impossible. Kyou would be much better off in someone else's more capable hands; the ox was in over his head.

Yuki switched to the topic of Tohru, which always seemed to brighten the conversation. She seemed more radiant than ever and had been overcome with excitement when she received a letter from Kyou the other day—Yuki had managed to hide the envelope, whose stamp and post date had marked it as coming from Japan. The rat hadn't been able to bring himself to share in her joy, not when he had seen how passionless the cat's face had been as he wrote that very same letter. "Her happiness has sent the baby into all sorts of kicking fits. She insists you visit soon."

"I will. I—" They were interrupted when the doorbell rang. Hatsuharu stood, supposing it was a neighbour, perhaps the divorcee across the hall needed him to watch her apartment again…

He never could have imagined who could really be on the other side of the door.

"Haru." That indolent smile. "May I come in?"

"Shigure." The ox stared at the unexpected guest on his doorstep, his face going neutral into that familiar mask. He had never really liked surprises, and this definitely counted as one. The dog had never visited his home before.

"Haru." Shigure changed to a self-deprecating smile. "I know this is unusual…"

"A bit," the ox agreed, still blocking the doorway.

"I came to see Kyou. Hatori told me he was here."

Hatsuharu stared for a moment, weighing the options. If he just shut the door, it would be rude, but Shigure must have his own motives and Kyou was in a fragile state. On the other hand, perhaps seeing another of the Juunishi coming to visit him would help the cat regain some of himself. He grudgingly moved aside. "Kyou isn't like himself," he cautioned, and that was all he would say on the matter. The dog nodded acknowledgement to the words and headed inside.

* * *

Kyou tensed as he heard that familiar voice. He was praying that Hatsuharu would turn the visitor away, but the ox let him in. He just let him in. The cat's heartbeat tripped; he tried to control his breathing but it was useless. His hands shook when he heard the footsteps come into the living room one by one, and then they stopped. He was so close, just mere feet away.

"Kyou."

The cat's fingers wrapped around the handle of the closest knife. There was no way to hide. He was exposed.

"Kyou…"

The cat's whole body shivered. He feared he would drop the knife.

Shigure thought to call out his name again but paused. Yuki had not moved an inch since the dog had entered the room; his eyes stared cautiously. "Hatori told me he released you." The dog sensed the tension in the room, glanced at the serious faces then back to Kyou's back. "I'm sure that you've been worrying about your freedom. I wanted to let you know that Akito won't realize you're gone. She's dying."

The dog sounded edgy to the rat, almost nervous. Yuki glanced at Hatsuharu but blank grey eyes gave nothing away. Whatever response Shigure expected from Kyou, it seemed to go unanswered. The redhead hadn't even bothered to turn around.

"Kyou, I wanted to tell you…" The dog's sentence trailed off as the cat slowly turned around. His head was down, bangs hiding his eyes. Yuki glanced sharply between the two men. Something was wrong; Shigure was edgy, something the rat had never seen, and something about the cat seemed so…bleak.

"I…" Kyou paused, his body beginning to shake. Hatsuharu started forward, afraid the cat was going to collapse.

Yuki's eyes widened as he noted the worry in the ox's eyes, the body language. It was something he had never noticed before. It was like he was finally seeing the missing puzzle piece clearly for the first time. He shook off his distraction as Hatsuharu stopped in his tracks.

Kyou had finally looked up; the fury in crimson eyes took the rat's breath away. He had the feeling that the others were pinned to the spot just as he was. "I'll kill you!" Kyou snarled, his voice almost inhuman. The knife was a silver blur in his hand as he charged forward with deadly intent.

Yuki was too shocked to move, but Hatsuharu's muscles responded almost immediately. If the ox hadn't stepped forward earlier, the dog would probably be dead. As it was, Hatsuharu's body hit Kyou's mid-charge. Shigure cried out. The next instant Yuki was by the ox's side, twisting Kyou's wrist painfully until he dropped the knife. The rat immediately went for an arm lock. The cat strained against it, despite the knowledge that it could snap the bone.

Hatsuharu focused on Shigure now that he knew Kyou was under control. The dog's hand was pressed against a wound on his left arm. Shigure hissed in a breath as the ox tried to examine it; the slice was relatively shallow and minor compared to what it could have been, but the bleeding was profuse. Most likely Shigure would need stitches.

"Did you think I wouldn't find out?" the cat hissed, pushed to his knees by the painful hold on his arm. "Akito made sure I knew. Every month she made sure I knew!"

"Yes, I told Akito," the dog said, still cradling his arm.

"Told Akito what?" Hatsuharu's stare was far from impartial now.

Shigure's eyes never left Kyou's. "I told Akito that Kyou was in love with Yuki."

The rat's eyes widened, his body tensing. He almost let go of the cat in shock. He looked to Kyou for confirmation but was ignored. Ruby eyes remained fixated on the traitor. "You told her _what_?" the cat snarled.

"I was there the day Haru spoke to you about your feelings for Yuki. You became angry with him, pushed him into the pond." Shigure hissed in pain as Hatsuharu pressed the dog's own torn sleeve hard against the wound. The ox's jaw was clenched tightly.

"Is that true, Kyou?" Yuki asked, having finally found his voice.

The cat ignored the rat's question. "So you betrayed me to _her_! What did you think, that she'd pat you on the head, feed you a biscuit? You said you would harbor me in your house and then you _betrayed_ me!"

The dog's fingers tightened over his wound. "I thought that if I showed Akito that you had the compassion to love, that she would finally see you weren't a monster. If we worked together, we could break the curse."

Kyou roared with fury. He tried to stand, fighting Yuki's grip. The rat was forced to change holds or break the orange-haired man's arm. "There's no excuse for what you did to me. Three years of my life! I rotted in a cage because of _you_!" Kyou snarled. "And for what? For _Yuki_? I still had time. I could have beat him!" He continued to struggle against the pain of the pressure point hold the rat had on him.

"If I had known this would happen to you, Kyou…"

"Don't suck up to me," the cat spat.

"I didn't know you felt that way about me either, Kyou," said Yuki.

The cat turned baleful eyes on the rat. "I don't feel anything for _you_ but hatred."

"Kyou," Hatsuharu admonished softly.

The cat couldn't control himself. "I never loved the fucking rat! I loved someone else!" As soon as the words left his mouth, his body stiffened. Kyou was horrified by what he had let slip. His eyes shot quickly to the ox's passive face before dropping to stare at the ground. "Get out, Shigure. And don't come back. If I see you again, I'll _kill _you."

Shigure nodded and got to his feet. Hatsuharu stood with him, escorted him to the door. Yuki met them soon after. "I'll make sure Shigure gets the medical attention he needs." Hatsuharu said nothing, ignoring Yuki's stare, and shut the door after them. He returned to the living room where Kyou had remained kneeling on the floor.

"Kyou." The cat looked pitiful, his shaking arms holding his torso up.

"He took everything from me, Haru. Don't give me any of your fucking advice. I don't need it." The cat tried to find the strength to stand but his limbs were shaking too badly. It was humiliating being powerless in front of the ox. It was just like his dreams.

Hatsuharu moved to help the cat up but he was waved away. He stood helplessly as Kyou struggled to his feet; he kept his face neutral, trying not to antagonize the other man any further. Kyou's haggard breath filled the silence. Finally the cat reached the doorway to the bedroom, one arm bracing himself against the doorframe. Tremors still shook his body.

"Kyou." The cat looked back the ox, eyes wide with pain and sorrow. "Who did you love if it wasn't Yuki?"

Kyou swallowed a sob and turned away. "Tell Yuki not to come any more."

The door shut firmly between them.

* * *

I'm busy considering what I should really get updated next. I'm thinking a new chapter to "Million Little Pieces" as it's my most read/watched/enjoyed fanfic at the moment. But if anyone has differing opinions they can feel free to badger me with them. :D Always open to comments/suggestions/criticism/requests, as usual! :)

(Also, Pink Panther, heeeee! X3)


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Gone Away

Author: Keir

Rating: R for swearing, violence, sexual situations

The Gist of Things: Kyou loves Haru, but will the ox realize it in time?

A/N: An update...finally...omg... Such a long, long time in coming. Words cannot express just how awful I've been at keeping up with my stories. Suffice to say that real life does not always go the way you want (or expect) it to be.

I was going to update "Million Little Pieces" first (which is in progress), or finish some of the requested oneshots that have been in the works for months and months and months, but "Gone Away" spoke to me first, and far be it from me to deny getting at least SOMETHING updated. A little bit rushed, but hopefully still satisfying.

Thanks for sticking with me, you lovely, lovely readers!

* * *

"Kyou, you can't avoid me forever," the ox said matter-of-factly, voice muffled by the door between them.

Kyou's shoulders hunched at the sound of another round of knocking. Not forever, no. Kyou knew that. But he could at least make it a few more days until the end of the week.

On Monday Yuki had shown up and that was when the cat had first locked himself in Hatsuharu's bedroom. The rat had sounded equal parts confused and irritated to find out where Kyou was, and the cat couldn't care less. The orange-haired man had listened through the door as the ox had told Yuki in no uncertain terms that he needed to give the cat some space and Kyou had been relieved. The rat hadn't been back in four days, but still the cat refused to relent in his seclusion. He bathed, ate, and used the restroom while the ox was at work.

Hatsuharu was willing to put up with it—to a point—but now he was done with Kyou living in solitude. The cat was coming out of the bedroom, he was doing it today, and that was that. The younger man had his own stubborn streak.

"Kyou."

The cat glanced balefully at the door then away, refusing to answer.

"If you don't open the door, I'll have to come in and get you," the ox said calmly. When the other man refused to answer, Hatsuharu lifted a hand above the doorframe, fingers questing for the long nail stored there. He grasped it, then pushed it into the hole at the center of the doorknob; when he felt the locking mechanism pin beneath the nail, he pushed down. The door snicked open and he replaced the nail at the top of the doorframe. When the door swung open the cat stared at him in open surprise.

"How did you get in here?" Kyou demanded.

Hatsuharu shrugged, still standing at the threshold. "It's not the most sophisticated lock in the world. It's dinnertime. If you don't come out by yourself, then I'll have to make you."

Kyou looked the ox over then scoffed and looked away, dismissing him without concern. He was the cat, a regional karate champion, older and stronger and faster. He didn't feel threatened by the black and white-haired man in the least, no matter how much taller he was.

"Kyou," Hatsuharu admonished. The cat remained looking away petulantly. "I didn't want to have to do this." The ox crossed the room to where the other man sat on the bed. He rolled up his sleeves to the elbow methodically before doing the unthinkable.

He picked Kyou up.

At first the cat was too shocked to react. His body tensed in those strong arms, eyes wide. His fingers clutched at the air as he tried to regain his balance. Then a hand clutched at the other's shoulder.

Haru felt nice, the cat realized. He was soft and warm and his scent was strong beneath his cologne. He had never really been touched like this since Kazuma had been so attentive to him. When he was so small and helpless.

Being helpless terrified him.

After the initial shock he twisted and kicked feebly until the ox set him down on a dining table chair. His fingers curled under the edges of the seat as if his body wanted to make sure he wasn't going to go airborne again.

Hatsuharu seated himself across from the cat and began to dish out food from the takeout boxes he had set out. The ox didn't look up at the furious cat until he had finished his task. Once he set aside the last box, he met the crimson-eyed glare placidly. "You're going to eat."

"I already ate," Kyou said with a scowl.

"You need to eat more." The ox reached out and laid a couple pills on the table in front of the cat. "Hatori told me you need to start taking vitamins. You'll also be eating more often."

"I'm not taking those," Kyou hissed vehemently. "Why the hell were you talking to Hatori about me?" he demanded.

"He's concerned about your health. When I mentioned that you weren't eating enough he gave me strict instructions." Hatsuharu stared over the table at the older man. "And we're going to start following them, starting now. If you don't get your body used to taking in more food than it's used to, it will keep rejecting it."

Kyou sneered, refusing to pick up his chopsticks. "I'm not going to follow orders, not from you." He felt the uncontrollable rage rising within him, hatred burning deep and hot for himself. Why did the ox have to bother? What did it matter if Kyou wasted away? "And least of all from _Hatori_."

"Hatori is a doctor, Kyou. He knows what's best."

Without warning, the cat violently shoved his plate off the table. It shattered on the floor, shards of glass and his meal scattering everywhere. "Hatori is a _traitor_, just like Shigure! I'd rather _die_ than listen to anything he has to say!"

Hatsuharu sat calmly in the face of the storm, not budging an inch. His face remained that impassive mask while the cat raged. "What do you mean?" he asked as the other's shoulders shook with labored breathing.

If Kyou had another plate he would have smashed it. "He was there when they locked me away. He _drugged _me!" he spat.

"Why would Hatori drug you?" Hatsuharu asked. His mask never cracked, but inside his heart beat faster.

"So that I couldn't fight," Kyou hissed. "He _watched _while they beat me. He drugged me so they could beat me!" The cat was almost hyperventilating now.

"Kyou…"

The cat picked up his chair and threw it against the wall. One leg broke off, splintering as the pieces clattered to the ground. Kyou's chest heaved as he fought to suck in every breath. "They tied me up…" The older man was staring at something only he could see now. Hatsuharu sat perfectly still, aware that his lungs were beginning to burn as he held his breath. "She had them beat me. He put something in me so I couldn't fight back. They tied me up and then they beat me. And he watched. That's why I can never forgive him. I'll _never _forgive him!"

The ox found himself on his feet without thinking. He felt as if he were in a dream as he walked around the table. His hand reached out, fingers curling into his own oversized shirt on the other's thin frame. Crimson eyes flashed upward, meeting grey. In them Hatsuharu saw a churning sea of pain, years and years of frustration and loneliness that were usually hidden so well behind Kyou's walls. The hesitation between them lasted only a moment, the span of a breath. Tears sparkled in the cat's eyes, unshed. It was the closest the ox had ever seen him to crying. Fear and anger and mistrust were building fast and Kyou's walls were going back up.

Hatusharu didn't know what he had meant to do now that he was there. As he finally took a breath, he realized the situation seemed familiar. He looked down; he used to tangle his fingers in Yuki's shirt just like this. He felt something unfamiliar blooming inside his heart in that small moment. Kyou moved to speak when the ox felt his body take over again.

Those pale fingers yanked and the black and white-haired man felt a thrill run through him at the shock on the cat's face. Then their bodies collided, an electric jolt racing along every nerve. Hatsuharu knew it wouldn't last—even then the usual spark of anger was kindling in the cat's eyes—so he did something previously unimaginable to prolong the feeling.

His arms wrapped around the cat, pulling him into a swift embrace. His hands rested on the small of Kyou's back. He felt the other man's body, tense and taut, little shivers shaking through him. The ox leaned down and pressed his lips against the cat's forehead and breathed in the scent of Kyou—refreshingly simple, the cat's own scent not covered or smothered by anything else. He smelled his own shampoo in Kyou's hair.

One last shudder shook the cat's body and then he went limp, letting the ox cradle him. Hatsuharu felt Kyou let the tension go in a deep exhalation, felt the hot breath release over his own collarbone. They stood there for a moment before Hatsuharu let the dazed cat go. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed another plate from the cupboard, then placed it in the other's hands. "We'll clean up later, but for now, we can eat." Then he smiled. "You're just lucky I bought more than we needed."

* * *

Hatsuharu sat in his recliner, staring. The cat had fallen asleep halfway through a random movie on the television. The ox had not seen the cat sleeping since he came to live with him, not once. It seemed private and…mysterious.

It was fascinating, watching the cat sleep. Fascinating to see someone that was usually so fractious at peace. The cat was curled up under a heavy blanket on the couch, orange hair splayed across a pillow. His face was slack, one hand curled up next to his chin. He didn't have his guard up.

He looked…sweet. Like there were no more worries or fears.

The ox was brought out of his reverie by the buzz of his Blackberry. The bright screen flashed in the darkness: Yuki. The ox picked it up. "Good evening, Yuki," Hatsuharu said softly, mindful not to wake the sleeping cat.

"Haru," Yuki said on the other end of the line. "I'm just calling to check in, since I'm no longer invited."

Hatsuharu's lips quirked; Yuki almost sounded bitter. For once maybe Kyou had the upper hand over the rat. "Kyou's fine. He's sleeping right now."

"How has he been? Has he settled down since the incident with Shigure?"

The words were out of his mouth before he knew what he was doing. "I kissed him." Hatsuharu cursed himself inwardly. He was always careful, even meticulous in his words and with revealing emotions, but not so now it seemed. What was Kyou doing to him?

"You kissed Kyou?"

"Aa. On the forehead."

The line was silent for a moment. "Haru, I've been meaning to speak with you about something." The rat didn't pause for the ox to acknowledge him. "When things went wrong with Shigure…" Yuki paused again to gather his thoughts and the ox waited patiently; they were both men of carefully chosen words. He barely caught the sound of Yuki's soft sigh. "Have you told Kyou how you feel about him yet?"

Hatsuharu waited a few breaths before replying slowly, "What do you mean?"

"That day with Shigure, you looked at Kyou a certain way."

Hatsuharu thought about it for a moment, examined Yuki's sentence in his mind. "I don't believe I understand what you're saying." The ox stared at the sleeping man on his sofa. His heart seemed to beat faster.

Yuki sighed louder now. "Stubborn idiot. Do you know how many people have kissed Kyou in his life?" When Hatsuharu didn't answer, the rat filled in the blank for him. "His mother, Kazuma, and Tohru. All three of them had something in common that had to do with Kyou, something you share now too." Yuki paused and the ox could hear something in the background. "I have to go; Tohru needs my help. Just think about what I've told you. I'm stopping by in a few days whether Kyou likes it or not," the rat said decisively. "Goodnight, Haru."

The younger cousin sat with the phone still to his ear half a minute after the rat had hung up. Even afterward he stared at the phone itself as if it could give him answers. What had Yuki meant? Kyou's mother, Kazuma, Tohru...and himself. A mystery. But what did it mean? He certainly couldn't ask Kyou himself.

Or could he?

He glanced back over at the cat. The orange-haired man was still asleep. He had heard of being able to ask people questions while they were asleep and receiving lucid answers, all while the dreamer was unaware. The ox set the phone aside and stood. He crossed over to the sofa and knelt. The cat's pink lips were slightly parted. The ox's breath caught as heat roiled low in his belly. "Kyou," he whispered. "Kyou."

The older man stirred, brow furrowing. "Haru…"

"Kyou, I have a question. What do your mother, Kazuma, and Tohru have in common?"

The cat's breathing was still deep, half of his mind still in dreams. "They were the only ones who loved me," the cat murmured, fingers curling tighter in the blanket.

Hatsuharu blinked, digesting the information; the mystery's pieces were coming together. "Sleep well, Kyou," he murmured. The lines on the cat's face smoothed, his face going slack again. The ox gathered an extra blanket and stretched out on the recliner, his eyes still on the cat. He didn't fall asleep until much later.

In his dreams, Kyou was bleeding and broken, left all alone. His spirit was gone as his wrists burned. And then, out of the darkness, there was a soft, deep voice calling to him, and it soothed his wounds. He slept peacefully for the first time in years.

* * *

Hatsuharu set the sponge aside as he washed out the last cup. He glanced behind himself. The cat sat on the couch and although the ox couldn't see anything but the other man's head and shoulders, he knew Kyou was fidgeting. The cat had never been the type to fidget—as far as the ox knew—but for the past few days (ever since Hatsuharu had kissed him), Kyou didn't seem capable of remaining still. The ox imagined it was because he still thought of Kyou as so volatile, so full of energy like in the past, that he had to just do something or he would explode.

Maybe it was a good sign. A sign that the old Kyou was finally showing through.

Yet it was also another worry for Hatsuharu to process. The past few days had brought on more than one change. Kyou never looked the ox in the eye any more. The cat was also melancholy; the sadness in his eyes had replaced the dull, lifeless look. The thought of the cat becoming depressed almost made the ox feel ready to fidget himself.

And Hatsuharu was not the type of man to fidget.

He set the cup on the drying rack and toweled his hands off. He moved into the living room and sat on the opposite side of the couch from the cat. The ox watched as the other man tensed, fingers digging into the material of his pants.

The silence stretched on until the cat said, "I haven't heard you play yet."

Hatsuharu's gaze followed the cat's and landed on the guitar resting on its stand next to the television. "Would you like me to play for you?" he asked. The ox noted the way the orange-haired man's jaw tightened, knuckles going white. Despite the cat's silence, Hatsuharu retrieved the guitar, not failing to notice that the other man tried to scoot backwards when the ox stood.

When Hatsuharu sat back down, he made sure to leave space between himself and the cat. He took a few minutes to tune the guitar, which he hadn't picked up since before Kyou had reentered his life. "What would you like to hear?"

The cat glanced at the ox then away. "It doesn't matter."

The younger man stared at the older. "There must be something you want to hear."

"I don't know! I don't pay attention to names and artists, you idiot!" Kyou snapped, cheeks turning red even as he scowled.

Hatsuharu allowed himself a small smile; an angry Kyou was better than a sad Kyou. His fingers began to move, picking out random notes and chords. He didn't feel like playing anything in particular, so his tune rambled as he made it up. He glanced up from time to time, noting that Kyou's muscles were slowly relaxing.

Hatsuharu's mind drifted as he played. Slowly over the past few days, the mystery Yuki had presented him with had evolved. He had tried his best to put the pieces together, but there were still questions. "Kyou, I'd like you to do something for me." He could sense the other's tension begin to grow again.

"What?" Kyou grated out.

"I'd like you to close your eyes."

The cat looked over at the ox, crimson eyes finally meeting grey for the first time in days. Hatsuharu could see the surprise and terror there, and then the growing fire of anger.

"Why?" the orange-haired man snapped.

"Please, Kyou. Trust me."

The cat hesitated but looked away first. His jaw clenched before he let his eyes fall shut. He hated feeling vulnerable, literally blind to what the ox might do to him. But he didn't feel the other man make any move, and that made him feel easier.

Hatsuharu kept strumming as he collected his thoughts. The curve of cinnamon lashes against tan skin distracted him. He was using a common method employed on skittish animals; if they couldn't see then there was less to be fearful of. Of course, he would never tell Kyou that he was comparing him to an animal. He wanted to study the cat, to really look _at _him, and such a thing would be impossible if the cat knew he was being stared at. Orange bangs swept over the other man's forehead, those beautiful lashes, a straight, strong nose, and a stubborn jaw. His cheeks were beginning to fill out—or perhaps that was the ox's own wishful thinking—and Kyou had been following through with the new diet plan.

Even now, after so long, the cat still held himself as a martial artist, his back stiff and straight, and his legs were curled beneath him. His shoulders were pushed back, giving the illusion that he was the old Kyou, the one so strong and defiant. He wished he could see the lines and the curves of the other man's body but once again they were hidden beneath the ox's own clothes.

"How long do I have to do this?" Kyou asked, not trying to hide his annoyance.

Hatsuharu ignored the question, eyes now fixated on the cat's lips. He played a few notes while he formulated what he wanted to say; he wanted to hear from those lips words that would conclude the mystery for him. "That day at the pond…"

Kyou jerked as if he had been slapped. "Don't open your eyes," that deep voice said, followed by a few soothing notes on the guitar. The cat shut his mouth, not even realizing that he had opened it. His shoulders strained with tension. What was that idiot making him do? He hated being in the dark. He hated not being in control. And now the ox wanted to bring up the past. The last thing the cat wanted to do was relive the past.

He hadn't even realized how much the music had been soothing him until he had tensed again. Haru's deep voice added to that… A shiver went up the cat, through his body, and he squeezed his eyes shut tighter.

He didn't want to feel this way any more. He didn't want to have that constant longing every day. Ever since Haru had done _that _to him a few days ago, he couldn't even look directly at him. Now he wanted to talk about the last time something like this had happened, a time when his heart had broken into pieces. He had been waiting for the final blow for days; he knew that at some point Haru would want to talk to him, explain away the kiss like before. He was prepared. He was tough.

He didn't know if he could survive breaking apart again.

Hatsuharu's voice startled him out of his tortured reverie and forced him to suck in the breath he didn't know he had been holding.

"That morning, you jumped the wall."

Kyou's fingers curled tightly in the fabric of his jeans. He had forgotten almost everything about that day until it had narrowed down to that single moment with Hatsuharu at the pond.

"You were angry. And then you became scared. That was when Yuki showed up. I thought you were fighting. Well, more than usual."

Kyou could hear the laughter in the other man's voice and he scowled, but in the darkness behind his eyelids he saw his tie fluttering on the wind and the graceful way Hatsuharu had caught it. The way he had smiled.

He would do anything not to have these feelings.

"When I talked to you at the pond, you told me you loved someone, someone besides Tohru. I thought that because of the way you fought with Yuki that it meant something was going on between you. I let you know about my assumption and you lashed out. I thought that I was right about my conclusion." The cat could hear the ox pause a moment before beginning a different tune two octaves lower. "When Shigure was here, you told me that you didn't love Yuki. I think that only leaves so many options, barring the conclusion that you loved someone outside your particular social circle."

Kyou's heart beat felt like it was going to burst. His face flushed red. What did it matter to Hatsuharu about any of this? Why did he have to ask questions? Why did he have to act like he cared?

"I want you to tell me who it is, Kyou."

"It's none of your business!" the cat snarled. He wanted to run away as fast and far as possible, but his whole body felt like it was made of stone. He heard the sound of the ox setting the guitar down and panic crawled through him.

"Who is it, Kyou?"

The cat felt the ox shift toward him. He opened his eyes, snarled at the man who was closer than he liked. Closer than he could stand. "Why do you care? Fuck you, Haru!" Kyou stared at the ox, into those storm grey eyes. He shuddered at the look there, like the ox already knew. He couldn't possibly know!

Hatsuharu lifted a hand, fingertips brushing Kyou's cheekbone. The cat jerked backward, slapped at the intrusive hand, but Hatsuharu gripped his wrist. "Stop it!"

"Tell me, Kyou," the ox coaxed. "Let go of the burden."

Kyou wrenched at his hand, but he was still weak. He stared at the ox, loathing for himself crawling along his skin. The younger man had been letting his hair grow out; it caressed his cheekbones the way Kyou loved, the way he remembered. Only this time Hatsuharu wasn't a teenager, but a grown man. The last of the baby fat was gone from his cheeks; he was slim and tall and his voice was a soothing, deep rumble. He was perfection.

And Kyou was a fool. A ragged, starving fool. He was the Cat and he wasn't allowed to love; Akito had made sure that he knew that. Why would someone like Haru ever want him? He had nothing. He was adrift in a world he didn't belong in.

Kyou didn't deserve him. He just wanted Hatsuharu to go away, to leave the pitiful creature he had become alone. The cat writhed, trying to break free, but it only brought the ox closer.

Suddenly, Hatsuharu placed his other hand over the cat's eyes. "Don't be ashamed," Kyou heard the ox say somewhere in the dark. "Don't think about it. Just let it go."

Kyou squeezed his eyes shut, even though Haru's hand had already put him in darkness. It was the only way he could let the truth escape his lips.

"You! I love you!" he yelled. His throat felt raw. He tried to clamp down on the wave of despair rising in his chest. Now the ox knew. He _knew_. There was no turning back. He had nothing left. The whole world would shatter and he would tear apart at the seams.

"Kyou."

Hatsuharu's voice cut through him like a hot knife. Then there were lips on his, pressed so firmly, so demanding. They were burning him. He still couldn't see. His body bucked and shuddered convulsively, and Hatsuharu rode the waves as he cried out. The ox's kiss was insistent and it took everything from Kyou, every single breath and mewl. The cat felt his own tears fall free beneath the other's hand; they burned. When Hatsuharu's lips finally released his, he gasped, body bowing upward.

The lips came down once more, but this time they kissed away the tears running down the cat's face. They were so gentle. Loving. Then the hand covering his eyes was gone.

Kyou opened his eyes. They were wide, his body still shaking with shock. Hatsuharu was above him as the cat suddenly realized he was lying down. Grey eyes met crimson, and they were warm, so warm. Kyou felt himself melt, his body going limp.

A little smile quirked Hatsuharu's lips. "That's good, Kyou, because…" He leaned in, invading the other's space once more to plant another kiss on orange hair. "I love you, too."

* * *

I have additionally discovered that, once again, FF Net has EATEN some of my space dividers in my stories, so now I have to go back and edit those so that they make SENSE. Arrrrgh...


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Gone Away

Author: Keir

Rating: R for swearing, violence, sexual situations

The Gist of Things: Kyou loves Haru, but will the ox realize it in time?

A/N: Can't stare at it any more. Spent way too much time editing; just want people to be able to read it (ffs)! Please enjoy~ ;_;

* * *

Kyou looked up sharply at the sound of the key turning in the lock of the front door. His body shivered in anticipation. He had been waiting all day, alternating between pacing and sitting and then pacing again. After a painfully long few seconds, the door swung open and Hatsuharu walked in, so tall and lean and handsome in his black suit. Kyou had nervously helped him pick out his blue tie that morning; he thought the colour made the other man's grey eyes more crystalline clear. He blushed as much from that thought as from the warm smile Hatsuharu sent his way.

The ox toed off his shoes and set his briefcase down, his gaze never leaving Kyou. The cat was blushing cutely and had already looked away. It had only been a few days since their confessions to each other. Both of them acted bashfully in the other's presence, timid and silly and stammering, as if they hadn't known one another all of their lives. Like two young people in love. Hatsuharu smiled, and he knew it was a foolish, giddy smile. "I'm home."

The cat glanced back at him, his blush deepening. "Welcome home," he replied.

"Just a moment," Hatsuharu said as he ducked back out into the hallway. When he returned, his arms were loaded with two long boxes stacked atop one another. They would have been too heavy to carry together for any other person, but being the ox had its advantages. He managed to kick the door closed behind himself and brought his burden into the living room. Once he set his load down on the floor, he glanced up through his bangs at the cat, whom he caught staring at him. He smiled again and the other man looked away with colour high on his cheeks. Hatsuharu straightened and sniffed the air. "Tea?" he asked after catching a scent.

Kyou nodded, then stopped and forced himself to reply, "Yeah." He was still getting used to the idea of being able to have vocal conversations again. He swallowed. "Green tea."

The cat cursed himself as soon as the words were out of his mouth. The ox could probably smell that it was green tea. Now he looked stupid like he'd had nothing else to say, and the ox probably thought he was stupid for not being able to carry a conversation; any time now, Haru would open his mouth and recant his words and he would sink back into miserable loneliness...

"A cup of tea would be nice," Hatsuharu said. Kyou fumbled in his rush to get to his feet to retrieve a drink for the other man, but the ox motioned for him to stay. "I'll get it myself."

Kyou watched out of the corner of his eye as the ox passed from his view. His fingers twined in the loose fabric of his pants, twisting and twisting. Did Haru think he didn't remember how he liked his tea? The younger man always took his green tea with a tablespoon of sugar and an inordinate amount of honey, enough to make Kyou lift his lip in distaste at the thought of it. What was the point in drinking tea if all you could taste was the sugary junk you put in it?

"Thank you."

The cat startled; he had been so deep in thought that he hadn't realized the ox was standing right next to him. Kyou glanced up. Hatsuharu was sipping his tea, eyes half-lidded as he watched the cat over the rim of his cup. The older man's muscles tensed; in his imagination he could feel the heat from the other man's body reaching out, entangling him until he felt like he couldn't breathe. "It's nothing," he managed to choke out.

Hatsuharu stood looking down on Kyou, ignoring the fact that the cup in his hand was uncomfortably hot. He wanted to reach out to the other man, to run his fingers through coarse orange hair, to tip that stubborn chin up and drown in crimson eyes and kiss him. He wanted to lay Kyou back, to cover his thin frame with his own body, to protect him and to make sure he knew he was loved. And, selfishly, he wanted to immerse himself in Kyou, to bring them both to completion. Together.

But he resisted the urge and walked past the sofa. Once he had settled himself on the floor and set his tea aside, he pulled the first box over to himself and opened it. He removed the paperwork resting on the top of the packaged items and rifled through the pages, perusing the words without seeing. No matter how hard he tried to focus, his eyes skimmed the print without really reading.

Unsurprisingly, his thoughts were occupied with Kyou. Even with his sincere love confession and its reciprocation, the cat was still wary about being touched. When Kyou would look at him so sweetly and Hatsuharu thought he was begging to be touched, to be loved, the slightest move by the ox might frighten the cat away. The orange-haired man might dissemble or flee outright and the younger man would be left wondering why.

It was to be expected, he chided himself. Kyou had been hurt for many years, even by Hatsuharu himself. He shouldn't push the cat so hard if he needed time to heal. The ox needed to rein himself in, especially his libido. He needed to be responsible and work on his self control.

Easier said than done. It seemed like it was getting harder and harder—sometimes very literally, he thought sardonically—with every hour that passed in the cat's presence. That was also to be expected when his love was as beautiful as Kyou.

He was taking another sip of tea when the other man surprised him with a show of curiousity. "What's in the boxes?"

Hatsuharu looked up and smiled. "Usually I try not to bring work home, but...this time it couldn't be helped." He set the paperwork aside and began emptying the open box until its contents lay around him. Twenty skateboard decks in the first container and he hadn't yet unpacked the second. His fingers brushed over one's smooth surface. "I'm on a deadline crunch. Next season's designs need to be decided on by midnight so they can go into production, but the concepts were late. I was supposed to have them last week. The art team has put me in a bind, so tonight I need to go over these product renders..." He let his vocal train of thought trail off as the other man slid from the sofa to kneel on the floor. Hatsuharu watched, holding his breath as Kyou studied each design in turn. The other man's fingertips glided over the colourful surfaces. Hatsuharu felt his heartbeat pick up at the sight of the cat's painstaking examination. There was no help for it, he thought to himself; he was acting like a foolishly lovestruck teenager.

"This one." The cat pushed a particular deck an inch toward Hatsuharu.

"Why that one?" he asked quietly. He didn't want to startle Kyou and end such a perfect moment, not when the cat was acting so normal.

The older man lifted a shoulder without looking up. "I like it."

Hatsuharu smiled. He would choose that one for no other reason than that Kyou liked it. Sappy, but there it was. "Nine more left to pick, then, though there are more to consider in the second box as well. What about this one?"

Kyou made a face. "No."

The ox almost laughed, not offended in the least by such a curt refusal. The quick, honest opinion was something that was simply written into the definition of Kyou. "Why not that one?"

"Boring colours," the cat dismissed it with finality. He was already back to scanning the other models. Hatsuharu agreed with the assessment and set the rejected design aside. Kyou was studying a certain board with a pensive frown. "This one seems familiar."

"The artist of that design in particular has been with the company for years. Skateboards with their art used to be the most popular some time ago, before I was with the company, but the numbers have declined the past couple of years."

"No wonder." Kyou snorted derisively as he continued to mull over the design in question. "I remember something that looked almost exactly like this from high school. He's just recycling crap if even I can recall something about this design. He's gotten stale and boring, predictable."

Hatsuharu held his breath at the allusion to the cat's absence, but Kyou didn't seem to take note of his own words. "I have thought about dropping this artist's concepts from the lineup before," the ox conceded, a pensive frown taking over his mouth. "But I also have to consider the ramifications of cutting the product of someone who has contributed their artwork for so long..."

The cat scoffed. "If you don't do anything, he'll never get his ass in gear and get better. Cut him this time and tell him to produce something worthwhile next season or whatever," he said, easily dismissing the ox's concerns. "He's wasting everyone's time right now with his crappy work."

"_Her_ 'crappy work,' actually." Hatsuharu smiled as Kyou's eyes widened just the tiniest bit and his shoulders hunched forward. The cat had always had some sort of awkward fear of hurting a woman's feelings.

"W-Well, that doesn't change things!" Kyou sputtered after a moment. "A half-assed job is a half-assed job!" he added vehemently.

Hatsuharu felt his heart swell at the sight of the cat bristling with bashfulness. "I love you, Kyou."

Wide crimson eyes shot up, looked straight into grey, then away. A blush suffused the cat's cheeks. Hatsuharu chided himself for startling the other man. Every fiber of his being was urging him to reach out and pull the cat to him in an embrace. He fought the urge and tried to salvage the moment. "What about this one?" Eventually he drew the cat back into conversation. They whiled away the better part of an hour discussing the rest of the models. Hatsuharu's tea had long gone cold by the time he remembered its existence. His fingers traced the rim of the cup as he tried to keep his emotions in check.

"Haru? Haru!"

The ox blinked and shook his head. "Hmm? Sorry."

"At least try to pay attention!" The cat sighed, eyes on the ox's drink. "I'll get you more tea." Kyou braced a hand against a board and leaned forward to grab the cup when the deck under his hand slid across the wood floor. Hatsuharu's hands flew up, grabbing the cat's shoulders to brace him and stop his headlong tumble. Their eyes met in shock.

Hatsuharu's heartbeat sped up once more. His hands felt like they were absorbing the heat of a fire; the other man's skin was so hot, even through his clothes. Kyou was staring up at him through his bangs. _Cute_, Hatsuharu thought. His mouth raced before his mind. "I want to kiss you."

"What?" the cat rasped.

"I want to kiss you," the ox repeated, voice gone deep and strained. He was at his limit. Kyou made a small noise and whether it was assent or not, Hatsuharu took advantage. He lowered his face to the other man's, lips taking the cat's. It was the second time he had ever kissed Kyou; the lips against his were chapped and rough and wonderful. Kyou made another noise that vibrated against the ox's mouth. It only served to drive him more wild with passion. His hands released the cat's shoulders and lifted to hold either side of the other man's face. He tilted Kyou's head back and when the cat's lips opened to gasp in breath, Hatsuharu took further advantage and let his tongue plunge inside.

It was slick and hot and even more wonderful. One of Kyou's hands came up to grasp his wrist, fingers burning against the ox's skin as their tongues rubbed against each other. Hatsuharu marveled in the contact, in the taste of the cat's saliva, which was mostly that of green tea with a hint of honey. Kyou's scent was invading his senses. The ox was losing control of himself. Only Kyou had that effect on him, only Kyou. Hatsuharu rose up to his knees; he wanted to push the other man back, cover his body with his own until flesh lay against flesh. He felt feverish all over.

Tan hands struck out and shoved him in the chest. The unexpected action caught him off guard and sent him backward to land on his ass. He stared across the gap, breathing hard. The cat was gulping in air just as harshly, his eyes averted. "I'm sorry," the ox apologized raggedly. "I shouldn't have... I'm sorry."

Kyou swallowed with effort; his mouth was full of the taste of overly sugared tea, the way Haru liked it. The strong reaction of his body terrified him. How was he supposed to think when his heart was beating so fast and all his emotions were pouring over? His hand traveled up to cover his eyes; for some reason they were watering. He couldn't allow the ox to see him that way. How embarrassing to be so weak.

"Kyou, are you all right?"

What could he do when the other man was asking him that with so much concern in his voice? Such a gentle voice. He couldn't look at such an earnest face and retain the ability to speak. "Wha—" His voice cracked but the ox waited for him. "What are we to each other, Haru?"

"I don't understand the question."

Kyou leaned back against the sofa, resting his forehead against his knees, legs curled in toward his chest. "What are we besides...friends. Or cousins. Or..." the cat mumbled. He was tense, fingers digging into his legs. His whole body was on alert; he was expecting the ox to try to move closer, like he always tried to, but the other man stayed where he was. Did he want him to move closer? If he did, then why did he always shy away? His chest ached. Of course he wanted the ox to come closer. In his dreams, Haru would take him into his arms, so gentle and tender. The ox would lay him down, unbutton his shirt. His skin would be cold but the other man would lay kisses all over his body until he was overflowing with warmth. His mind would be reaching into bliss; he would be touched and loved.

But he wasn't deluded; he knew what happened next in his dreams. They would take it away from him, take away his happiness. Then he would be exposed and those beautiful grey eyes would hold nothing but disgust for what he really was.

"Does it matter?" Hatsuharu asked pragmatically, mystified by the sudden question. He wished he knew what Kyou was thinking because whatever was churning through his mind was obviously important to the other man. "I love you. That's all that matters to me."

"I don't..." The cat sucked in a shuddering breath. "I don't want you to say you love me until you know what I am."

"You're Kyou," Hatsuharu asserted. "And I love you."

The orange-haired man's hands clenched into fists as he banged them against his legs. "I told you to stop it!"

"Kyou." The ox leaned forward, grasped the cat's left hand. The other man violently tried to pull away but Hatsuharu held on no matter how hard the shorter man thrashed. It took less than a minute before Kyou slumped against the couch, red faced and panting, refusing to look up from the floor. Would it always be like this, the younger man wondered, every time he wanted to touch the person he loved?

Hatsuharu pulled Kyou's arm toward himself despite resistance, pried at the tense fingers until they uncurled. He lowered his face until his cheek rested against the captive open hand. Closing his eyes, he nuzzled against the fingers, the stubble on his cheek rough against the tanned skin. As the tremors in the other man's arm stilled, he brushed his lips over the bared palm. The ox opened his eyes to find the cat staring at him. "That wasn't so bad, was it?" Hatsuharu murmured. Kyou made no move as the ox kissed his fingertips. "I need to know," he said, lips trailing along the skin, the other man's scent intoxicating him. His fingers traveled up Kyou's forearm until they brushed over the ever-present bracelet; each bead was perfectly round and smooth.

Kyou cried out wordlessly in terror and tried to twist away, but Hatsuharu was prepared for it and held fast. "This..." He planted a kiss against the inside of the cat's wrist above the hammering pulse point, fingers still moving over the bracelet. "Is this why you're so afraid?" Crimson eyes were averted as the ox kissed the wrist a few more times, biding his time for a response. If nothing else, Hatsuharu thought to himself, he was patient.

"...You haven't seen it. You don't know what I really am," Kyou said softly. His body went lax as if the fire inside him had gone out. "Nobody could love _that_."

"It's true. I haven't seen it," Hatsuharu agreed, "though every Juunishi in the family knows about the curse of the Cat." He let his fingers slide back and forth over the soft skin on the underside of Kyou's forearm as he let his mind wander. "If you don't want me to tell you I love you, if it makes you uncomfortable, then that's fine," he said quietly. He looked up from his contemplation of the cat's arm, grey eyes serious and determined and direct. "But if you're asking me not to out of a misplaced sense of self-pity, then please stop. You should consider my feelings, too. I've had to repress my emotions all my life and I don't like it."

Kyou had the decency to blush. He felt like he might die on the spot from embarrassment but his heart challenged that thought by beating even faster. It made his situation even worse; he was sure the ox could sense the pounding tempo through the hold on his wrist. To top it off, Hatsuharu was staring at him with that stern look, making Kyou feel like a naughty child being scolded. Kyou was older by birth but he had been stunted by his time in limbo. He was still as he had been as a high school senior, and while he had gone away, Hatsuharu had continued to grow and mature, both physically and mentally. The ox had a job and a life and his own concerns without the cat adding to them.

"And also..." The cat blushed guiltily as Hatsuharu's voice brought him around from the same self-pitying thoughts he was being lectured against. "I want a promise from you," the ox continued. "When you're ready, show me this." His right hand encircled the bracelet; his left reached out and laid flat against the cat's chest, right over his heart. "Show me all of this. Everything. And when you do, let me finally say 'I love you' if I want to."

Kyou ducked his head in assent to hide his vulnerability.

"Just don't make me wait forever. I'm already anxious to say it more," the ox murmured, his voice a warmhearted tease to try to take the sting out of his earlier words. He leaned back, let the other man go. The cat obviously needed some space after such a direct conversation and he wouldn't begrudge him it though his body had ideas of its own.

The ox tried to redirect his attention to his neglected work, eyes traveling over the scattered product renders. They had decided on two possibilities and one certainty for the fall lineup, and he had yet to delve into the second box's contents. His watch told him that only a scant two hours remained to him before midnight. It was the first time he had been handed such responsibility by the company and he wanted to make the best judgments possible. Every choice was weighted by sales trends versus the politics of the office. It wouldn't do to anger some of the more prominent people in the company, like the artist he had discussed with Kyou earlier, but... Some things couldn't be helped. He had decided he wouldn't sacrifice his personal integrity even if it meant dealing with consequences later on.

A noise from the vicinity of his midsection brought him out of his thoughts. He laid a hand against his complaining stomach with a sigh. "There's still so much to do, and only so much time... I suppose dinner will have to wait," he muttered to himself.

"Idiot!"

Hatsuharu looked up in surprise at the vehemently shouted word, expecting to see the cat avoiding his gaze, but Kyou was staring straight at him. The older man's face told that he was annoyed and exasperated; it was a look the ox knew so well. Any sane person might have been cowed or annoyed in return at that glare, but Hatsuharu felt overcome with love. This time the ox blushed, light pink creeping over his pale cheeks. He was definitely acting like an infatuated teenager.

Kyou frowned and rolled his eyes. "If you're hungry, all you had to do was ask! I'll make us something." The cat moved to stand and suddenly remembered the ox's cold cup of tea. He sighed in irritation and, avoiding the skateboard decks scattered across the floor, crouched to pick up the younger man's neglected cup. "I'll get you more tea but I'm not ruining it with all that crap. Honestly, the amount of stuff you put in it is gro—" His eyes glanced over and he froze as he realized just how close he was to the other man, a sense of deja vu tingling up his spine.

Their faces were inches away from each other. The ox was staring at him, his lips slightly parted, colour high on his cheeks. The cat was entranced. Without thought, Kyou leaned forward, closing the gap and kissing Hatsuharu, a brief brush of lips. The scent of cologne filled his nostrils and the ox's stubble chafed his skin; obviously the younger man had forgotten to shave that morning. Kyou gasped in a breath, breaking contact as the thought ran through his head how sexy it felt to have the ox's stubble running over his skin, something so completely masculine, so markedly male.

The cat blushed and pulled away but then a hand was entangled in his hair and he was yanked forward. Their lips met again, but this time Hatsuharu's were hot and insistent, the furthest thing from chaste as his tongue penetrated the cat's mouth a second time. The ox moaned into Kyou's mouth and the orange-haired man answered in kind. Their tongues wrapped around each other, testing and tasting. The ox's lips moved as if he would swallow the cat whole. His fingers tightened as he pulled the older man even closer. Kyou made a sound of distress as he lost his balance and fell forward against Hatsuharu; the hand that held the disregarded tea cup jolted, the cold liquid spilling over the cat's skin and the floor.

For the second time that day, Hatsuharu found himself pushed backward by a shove to his chest. "What the hell did you do that for!" Kyou shouted, voice gone hoarse. The cat had shot to his feet, the tea cup—now almost empty—still gripped in one hand, the other covering his mouth. He licked his lips, savouring the taste of the ox.

Hatsuharu stared up, his face straight. "You started it," he stated calmly. The cat shone with outrage at being blamed, and that made him all the more sexy to the ox. Inside, Hatsuharu was delighted by this forceful interaction, something he was afraid he would never experience again only a week before.

Kyou bristled with indignation at the accusation. "Like hell I did! It was you with your...your tongue...and—!" Hatsuharu quirked a brow, enjoying watching the cat squirm, which only infuriated the other man further. Kyou bared his teeth in a snarl. "You can't just do something like that! You have to ask permission first!"

"Why? You didn't ask for mine," Hatsuharu pointed out in his practical manner. Kyou paled and sputtered, searching for a rational justification that didn't exist, and the younger man was enthralled in watching it more than he thought he ought to be. When the cat finally strangled his own indignant vocalizations and stood quiet and mortified, the ox asked, "Can I kiss you now then?" Grey eyes were guileless; Hatsuharu somehow kept his face neutral.

The cat's colour rose again. "No!" he denied fiercely. "You—! Just..." Kyou stifled an undignified noise. "Just clean up your mess, you stupid cow!" he yelled, voice rising an octave in desperation as he turned on his heel to retreat.

"Kyou, to answer your question earlier..." The ox stared at the cat's tense backside, thinking about the skin beneath the clothes and how badly he wanted to explore it with fingers and lips and tongue. "I consider you my boyfriend."

Crimson eyes widened as the cat froze on the spot; his heart wanted to leap out of his throat. There were so many things Kyou wanted to say, but he wasn't ready yet. "Get back to work!" he choked out, voice gone husky. "You'll be late if you don't hurry it up, stupid!" Risking a glance back over his shoulder, he found the ox staring at him with a little teasing smile on his face. He felt the blood rush low in his body. "Dumbass!"

Hatsuharu's smile widened as Kyou retreated into the kitchen. Riling the cat up to a blushing, shouting mess was definitely one of his favourite things to do, he decided. He had missed the cat, missed this silly squabbling.

Lovestruck teenager, indeed. The ox went in search of a towel to clean up after the spilled tea.

* * *

It amuses me to write Haru working for a company that sells extreme sports gear. X3 Amuses, I say!


End file.
